Sometimes I feel like putting myself first means I’m selfish. Other times I feel like no matter how much I put myself first, I’ll never be good enough. Lately though, I’ve been enjoying the walk on the line between good and good enough.
Susan Piver, wise soul, visionary, author of nine books including, Start Here Now, meditation expert, teacher and renowned speaker offers the second prompt in our #Quest2017 inner and outer adventure. Learn more about Quest 2017 here.
Do you love yourself enough to stop working on yourself yet?
Who would you be in that case?” #loveyourself
Life has a way of leveling me sometimes. Just when I feel like I’ve got things figured out, along comes more change, and the opportunity to evolve.
This season has offered a veritable smorgasbord of coping moments I’ve been working on shifting into thriving opportunities.
You know… “Hop on the train or get hit by it?”
In many of cases I’m loving myself through it all, but occasionally I can get downright nasty to myself.
Though inward directed anger is a long-lived habit I have made huge progress in breaking, it still creeps in when I’m feeling stressed.
Do you have those moments when you’re much harder on yourself than you’d be with someone you loved?
In steps Susan Piver’s Quest2017 question. Can I love myself enough to stop working on myself? Who would I be if I did that?
I’m going to push back at the premise of that question and say this.
I’m on a path toward radically connecting, unconditional self-love.
There are lots of ways I walk it.
Some days I feel ready to read books about living a good life, like this one by Jonathan Fields, or seeing the world in new ways, like this one by Kim Manley Ort. These are healing, insight-filled days.
Some days I love myself enough to put down the self-help book, pop some popcorn and watch a rom com. These have become cozy times. I didn’t have these days a few years ago. I now cherish them.
Some days I love myself enough to stand in the discomfort of relationships that aren’t serving me and ask for change. I’m fierce and loving on these days, feet planted in the earth.
Some days I don’t love myself as much and I put my needs aside. Those days are really hard, and rebound against me.
I’m learning that I do need to address unhealthy patterns of dis-connection, and that takes some working on myself.
What I’ve been enjoying lately is the knowledge that I am actually pretty awesome with or without the improvement.
It’s an AND kind of thing…
I feel like enough, AND I strive to improve when I feel ready.
It’s important to find that space between diva and doormat.
Here are a couple things I’ve been doing lately.
- When I see myself in the mirror (and I remember to do it) I tell myself I am beautiful, inside and out. I take a moment to really look at “me”, and to be with that statement. I allow it to nourish me. I know, it might sound geeky, but the truth of that statement reveals itself more and more each time I say it. It feels good.
And I’m back to radically connecting, unconditional self-love.
It really settles my nervous system and helps me feel grounded in uneasy times.
- When I feel like I’m not enough, anxiety starts rising. Sometimes I begin to claw all my problems and potential outcomes (positive and not so positive) on top of myself.
Like a self-made-problem-dog-pile.
Lately when that happens I shift to what is happening now. I ask myself “What do I need to do in this moment? What can I be curious about? How can I show myself love, right now?”
Some of you may scoff, and if you are scoffing, no worries, just move along. Nothing to see here.
For you non-scoffers out there, try asking yourself these questions when you start to feel overwhelmed. I swear, they can work!
So, my roundabout answer to the big “Love myself enough” question is
I love myself enough to find a balance between acceptance and growth.
I’m a lifelong learner, maybe you are too, so I’ll never stop improving… at least that’s my hope.
So, what would that “enough” look like?
It looks like me. Today.
Deepening the connection with myself, accepting who I am in this world allows me to be present with others in new and rewarding ways.
It’s that groovy, concentric-circle-of-healthy-connections thing I keep going on about.
I’d love to hear what you are doing to develop unconditional, radical self-love. Are you feeling like you are enough? Do you feel like an endless list of “to dos?” “Can you hold yourself gently while you grow?” Please share your experiences in the comments below.
Wishing you loads of internal and external connections, self-love and fun as you walk the path that leads you to what really matters.
Let’s keep connecting!
With Love, Light and Gratitude,